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World of the News

~ For the universal in today's top stories

Author Archives: Andrew Calcutt

Complete Competitor

January 19, 2013

‘I’ll be the first man through the door’, he asserts. It could be Jack Reacher, all-action, alienated anti-hero of Lee Childs’ blockbuster novels (that’s ‘alienation’ as in ex-commando-absent-without-leave-from-normality; not the bohemian kind). Second look says no, not the Jack that Lee wrote; but Childs does come from Coventry, England, where this other Guy is being sent to. In a powder blue shirt and dark blue blazer, flecks of grey in his unfashionably short hair (neither long nor short enough), atop blue-grey eyes and a ramrod-firm jaw, pariah cyclist Lance Armstrong is making his doping confession to broadcaster Oprah Winfrey on her personal television network, OWN. On a beige set – or is it his own house? – anyhow it’s his Austin, Texas, homebase, Armstrong is insisting that he would be the first man through the door of any truth and reconciliation commission on drug-taking in cycling. Except he doesn’t say it straight out like that. Transcribed word-for-word there would have to be extra lines, half-cut phrases, pauses and ellipses: ‘It’s not for me to call…I don’t have the credibility.’ Dead-wood words and gaps between them, inserted before the disgraced champion’s assertion (‘I’ll be the first’ etc etc). More of a Mike Leigh-effect than Lee Childs’ Reacher-talk. Armstrong’s critics (what’s not to criticise?) see this as affectation. They suspect his improvisation is far from spontaneous; claim to have detected the underlying script – traitor touts for public sympathy. Even more so when Armstrong brings the children into it, explaining how he first confessed his crimes to his kids because he couldn’t let them carry on defending his non-existent honour. Deserves an Oscar, they say, pointing to the fidgety fingers that won’t stay still, the eyes lurching ostentatiously skyward then darting around like he deliberately doesn’t know where to look; sentences that pointedly grind to a halt before reaching their destination. But there’s no need to accept their performance theory; it attributes too much premeditation to a man running…just running like he always has. Like (fictional) Reacher, this is a real competitor. I compete therefore I am. When Armstrong described not being allowed to – the life ban – as his ‘death penalty’, he was hardly being metaphorical. He’s so literal (short hair, not short hair), would he know the meaning of the word? Does this player even know when he’s play acting? Compete – against the road and the others riding it; compete – against the bike; compete – against his ruined reputation. Nothing else computes. read more

The luck of the Irish

January 17, 2013

The boy crying because his Daddy is coming home but so nearly never did. The ginger boy who nearly did hold himself together in front of the TV camera but lost his composure at the last minute because for him it’s not at all the last minute of such a lengthy ordeal. After a sleepless night sitting up on the settee with the grown-ups, Dylan McFaul will have to wait hours, maybe days for his father Stephen to be brought home from North Africa to Belfast. The 36-year-old electrician escaped his Islamist captors when the Algerian army moved against them. Hostages including McFaul were being driven away from the Amenas gas plant when the five jeeps they were travelling in came under aerial bombardment. Four vehicles were bombed; McFaul’s crashed, and he managed to get away, the Belfast Telegraph reports. Unbelievable! And can son Dylan really believe that his Daddy is safe until he sees him walk through that door? The camera is still turning over, he has just about gathered himself up and put himself back in the box marked ‘young man’ when the wee boy perhaps remembers the day only a few weeks ago when Christmas had to end – abruptly, on Boxing Day, and his dad had to go back out to the blistering bloody desert, and he was sad anyway and to think it might have been the last time he saw him. You see, now he hasn’t lost his father, fear of losing him is redoubled and he crumples up and blurts out: I’ll never let him go there again, I’ll never let him go there again. A stout soul hands Dylan something to dry his blubbery eyes with. No delicate tissue – dab, dab, dab, but a clump of kitchen roll or perhaps they are tissues but Own Brand even Poundland rather than Kleenex Balsam. And of course that’s why your father keeps going out there, to get you and the family a bit of the right stuff, the decent Christmas present kind of stuff that you surely wouldn’t have much hope of if he stayed right at home. But where else will he go to get it? If not to some industrial plant strung out like an expensive piece of postmodern jewellery across desert the colour of a woman’s skin. read more

Stingray Launch Day

January 15, 2013

As part of the warm-up before the great unveiling, a blistering, cranked-up, raunchy rock’n’roll guitar solo played live by a blistering, cranked-up, raunchy rock’n’roll guitarist. Yaoooowwwweeee! How many notes per second? How fast do you like your clicheeeeees, sir? Comeback for the can-do country/ resurrection of Motor City, USA/ revival of the Great American sports car – the flaky phrases are coming thick and fast, and sticky as warm snow. A blizzard of Chevrolet execs in downtown Detroit for the International Auto Show, all of them hoping that the seventh generation Corvette – launched today complete with its own biopic, shot in black and white for the full Chevy heritage effect – will rev up to be a real icon. All of them wearing the distinctive Stingray badge based on the undulating body that wraps around the driver’s – and not in a James Dean, Spydery kind of way. The Stingray is engineered to be 99lbs lighter, yet more rigid and robust: the car has presence and the driver gets to feel it, allegedly. Could be the world’s most highly engineered vehicle, or a contraption for high end branding. A car or the image of one? Even after the veil was lifted to reveal the Stingray, Motor City’s order of priorities – ‘cos you can have it in any order you like so long as it’s this order – remains unclear.

The quick and the dead

January 12, 2013

The Singapore hospital is as squeaky clean as its corporate PR: Mount Elizabeth, a parkway health hospital. The dark blue van marked ‘Hindu casket’ matches the uniforms of the men loading her body into it (blue shroud, of course). But from here on, life and death get messier. At the funeral parlour in Singapore, while the corpse is being embalmed, the Indian official inspecting the coffin has brought his shopping with him in see-thro’ plastic bags. Next: the deceased is returned to her residence. The city which the body is brought back to, is garlanded with electric wires; growing thickly across the New Delhi street where she lived. The last journey to the cremation ground, in yet another hospital van, takes place in the half-light before dawn. Roads lined with more police than mourners; the cremation ground guarded by rifle-at-the-ready troops from India’s Border Force. Mass migration to the kingdom of the dead? No, only the body of the Delhi rape victim, to be tidied up on the purifying pyre. But this is not the end, thankfully. Out on the motley streets, a 20something woman demonstrator with a stick in one hand and an iPhone in the other. The stick is useless: would snap like a twig if it even grazed a police helmet. But the woman who’s shouting a slogan can’t stop herself grinning when she sees the camera pointing her way: she’s having the time of her life.

The fight for press freedom, Guangzhou-style

January 7, 2013

They all look cool enough for the Hollywood remake of Big Bang Theory; but this is clearly not a comedy. Whereas Western protesters usually kid around for the camera, keen to be seen as not too serious, not wanting to be thought of as boring old adults, these supporters of censored Chinese newspaper Southern Weekly, gathering on the streets of Guangzhou in the interests of press freedom, are strait-laced and po-faced. Not that they’re ignorant of the repetitive double-take which is the essential credential in today’s Western culture. With retro-hair and glasses (big, black, square), they’re already doing that knowing impression of the Asiatic Geek who isn’t really so Geeky (prototype: YouTube’s Steve Chen). But just being there, standing holding a chrysanthemum and an A4 sheet of neat, orderly characters (‘End press censorship, the Chinese people want freedom’), these young people are putting their careers on the line. School days drenched in exams, the fierce competition to get in to a top university, the pressure to get a good degree – all that exertion could be wasted away with a few deft strokes of a bureaucrat’s pen. Fear of committing career suicide – it’s enough to straighten out even the most twisted ironist. In open letters to Communist Party officials penned by well-respected lawyers and academics, there is a different kind of rhetoric. Of censorious Tuo Zhen (the regional propaganda chief who replaced Southern Weekly’s New Year message and lied about what happened), it is said that: ‘wherever he goes ten thousand horses stand mute’, i.e. they are silenced by his decrees. But this is the language of an older generation, which grew up alongside the incoming cohort of top-ranking ministers. The new vernacular, personified in young protesters picking up the chrysanthemum petals which dropped onto the pavement during their demonstration, combines outward signs of Western kidulthood with seriousness of purpose. They manage to be mature and tender at the same time. read more

Too much monkey business

January 4, 2013

Kevin-Prince Boateng, Ghanaian international playing for AC Milan in a friendly against a little local team at their crummy little ground, makes to kick the ball into the small crowd. But it’s not quite high enough – hits a hoarding, bounces back towards the pitch. Boateng strides over to the group making the noise – half-mooing, half-monkey. Blood up, jutting chin, leaning forward as if about to dive into them; though they are fenced off and standing high above the astroturf on a kind of concrete flyover. Whistles and catcalls in response. Meanwhile, the ref has a word in his shell-like; ditto a succession of players from both teams. They’re remonstrating with him. Not exactly restraining him, but hand on arm, shoulder, wrist, elbow; asking him to hold on. When he turns his back on the group of fans that goaded him, the other footballers fall away, letting him go, assuming normal game play will be resuming shortly. Having broken away, however, he ain’t coming back. Spits on the ground, waggles a finger at the offending section of the crowd, and walks further way. Still further, and only now is it clear he’s walking off the pitch. The Milan Channel commentator keeps saying ‘incredibile’. Boateng takes his shirt off to confirm he’s finished. Praying his career isn’t. But already some spectators are starting to applaud; meanwhile the monkey contingent is left mooing around, listless. Another Milan player, previously uninvolved, crosses the pitch to fall in behind him. A few moments ago, the loneliest walk (no matter what the song says). Now a whole world of officialdom wants to walk alongside him: we salute you, Prince among men. But as their world turns to take him in, it commandeers Boateng’s defiant gesture and turns it into a vindication of snobbery: superior cappuccino culture, complete with expensive haircuts and metrosexual little beards, versus puffa jackets, shaved heads and beanies; my god, you’d think they were from Eastern Europe not the Mediterranean. And the name of the small town club where it happened, Pro Patria, feeds right into this part-fantasy of football terraces versus the vineyard. read more

Year We Go: Take 2’s 2012 Alphabet Annual

December 23, 2012

Art into article – a new way of doing journalism? Barack Obama is Dorian Gray (debauchery of power surely shows up somewhere). Crisis of Authority: Doubtful performance by Georgy Porgy, Pudding-Pie Chancellor. Eyeless in Rimless Glasses (Lord Leveson and Nick Pollard). F-word Mitchell. George Ent, whistling up half a million. Hillsborough – like pigs not plebs. Iphone therefore I am. Jay walking across press freedom. Kim Kardashian’s chiselled booty. Lathicharge on the road to Lutyens’ Indian mansion. Miliband more Wallace than Wolverine. ‘No Surrender’: the Orange Heritage Experience. Qaedamonium in New York, wrought by Superstorm Sandy. Rueful Rupert, King Lear in Leveson’s High Court. Santa-in-reverse – death scene in Newtown, Tucitcennoc. Tunis, Tripoli, Benghazi to Chennai, the Anti-American Soul Train. USA Unemployment at 23 million? Victory for sheer athleticism, winning out against London’s Olympic Legacy-Logorrhea. Winsome from Wisconsin, GOP’s Wannabe V-P Paul Ryan – who he? Xi Jinping’s Elvis Hair. YTake2? For brief compositions of our common humanity, from source material already published on major news platforms. Zzzzzzzzz.

India, what time is it?

December 22, 2012

‘Lathicharge’ sounds ceremonial but turns out to mean New Delhi police officers beating back the crowd with sticks as tall as they are. Legs planted firmly apart, leaning back slightly then swivelling forward from the hips to get a good scything motion. On his way down, one demonstrator is still talking into his phone. There’s another one, also still talking, as he manages to throw a tear gas canister back at the police. Earlier, protestors seemed surprised to find they had broken through police lines across Raisina Hill, the thoroughfare leading up to the presidential palace (built for the British viceroy by imperial architect Edward Lutyens). Before they made it to the top, the police retaliated with tear gas canisters. When demonstrators defused these by dowsing them with water, they moved on to water cannon and lathis. But the crowd was not cowed. One teenaged girl was overheard encouraging her companion: ‘Aaja, aaja. Thhoda ro lenge, koi baat nahin (Come, come. We’ll cry a little, it’s fine)’. The ultra-violent gang-rape of a 23-year-old paramedical student and the lackadaisical police inquiry into this brutal crime, have prompted mounting protests against the authorities’ relaxed attitude towards ‘eve teasing’ – the almost-accepted term for a gamut of sexual harassment from bum-pinching to grievous assault. With their smartphones, wearing ‘street clothes’ rather than street clothes, the mainly middle class protestors of New Delhi would not look out of place in London or Manhattan. They are facing an elite which continues to inhabit structures inherited from the British Raj. Meanwhile the paramilitary stance of the police – that scything motion – still owes something to pre-modern regimes. In India, in the final days of 2012, time comes in three dimensions. read more

Tribune of the plebs

December 21, 2012

Gone is the goatee; now he flaunts his double chin like a badge of office. Roly Poly (Jon) Gaunty (Gaunt) boasts he’s ‘not thin on ideas.’ Look at me, I’m too busy speaking for the people to be fastidious about food intake. Former Sun columnist and Talksport ‘shock jock’, recently turned media trainer and PR consultant, this self-styled ‘populist’ has been working with Midlands branches of the Police Federation, voicing their opposition to government cuts. Gaunt’s clients include the Federation branch covering the Sutton Coldfield constituency of ‘plebgate’ MP, Andrew Mitchell. The patricians don’t like Gaunt or his commissioners in the lower ranks of the police service. Of course, David Cameron refused their invitation to ‘a Balti in Birmingham’ during the Conservative Party conference there (no ‘beer and [curry] sandwiches’). Of course, Gaunt is the epitome of cheese compared to Andrew Mitchell’s chalk-stripe elegance (‘epitome’ – etymology: Ancient Greek – being a word that Mitchell might use but Gaunt surely wouldn’t). Mitchell’s good bones mean that he really could be gaunt, in a way that round-faced Gaunty simply can’t be, ironically. The real irony is that the policemen’s preferred self-image, as projected and personified by their ‘populist’ PR, means it goes without saying – that very word, the extremely controversial term, which this particular patrician may never even have said.

Why Take 2?

December 20, 2012

They can hardly be called ‘aims and objectives’, having only emerged during the course of writing these entries; rather, these observations have come to the fore while proceeding with the writing. Even so, they may provide some insight into what this writing is for.

(1) How lyrical is the language of advertising, especially compared to matter-of-fact journalism in its long established forms. Advertising handles its characters with humour, affection, even tenderness. Whereas journalism has tended to dismiss the people featured in it: its peremptory tone has often served as their dismissal notice. Perhaps lyricism is permissible in advertising because the characters who appear in the adverts come with the authority of the commodities they are there to represent. This would mean that the discrepancy between peremptory journalism and lyrical advertising is a further example of the fetishism of commodities; yet another example of things taking precedence over people, with the latter only recognised as such insofar as they are also recognisably bearers of the former. High time, then, for journalists to write lyrics about the people in their stories, i.e. to write about them in a lyrical way; and, by this means, to address the absurdity of things-before-people, which is also how things really are.

(2) The New Journalism of the 1960s was just such an attempt – the lyrical austerity of In Cold Blood; the poetic violence of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It arose in reaction to the reification inherent in mainstream journalism, and took its place in the contemporary counter-culture. Subsequently re-titled ‘the journalism of attachment’, the same kind of long form journalism became part of the advocacy culture of the 1990s, calling for more intervention by Western elites rather than less. Aside from its political trajectory, however, the length of this long form journalism has always been problematic. Given the length of time it takes to write, it cannot keep up with the new: it can’t do the news. What’s needed is something which reaches similar levels of descriptive power, but in short form. read more

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