June 22, 2017
June 17, 2017
Hunched with hands forward for the handcuffs,
There’s a moment when, from a certain angle,
Richard Burton comes to mind: dark hair, bright eyes, brooding.
But this one’s not even Welsh
Only that his on-off missus cooks in a Cardiff caff.
No claim on the Celtic flame, then; simply a standard-bearer for failure.
Missed the Muslim march he’d muttered about mowing down –
(You mightn’t know but it’s happened more than once on Merseyside,
Years ago, when Orange was the sash some fathers wore)
Making do with worshippers milling round after midnight
And when you spilled them, had they reached their state of grace –
That sense of being other than their everyday?
Did you see it in their faces, Jealous Guy? Unlucky Man,
If just a taste of this had come to you some other way…..
My guess is yours didn’t come at all
You never arrived, even after all that panting down the motorway
In the van you may have hired for somewhere to kip; alone again, naturally.
‘Did my bit’ – come off it. And ‘kill me’ just cracks me up.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Martyr Manqué – this time as farce.
Call this a terrorist? Dial ‘F’ for Failure
And you’ll have the full measure of White Van Darren, the man-less-than.
A Modest Proposal
For Reducing the Burden Borne by the State
In the Provision of Social Housing
By Johnny Quick
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this Town to see the streets crowded with a great Mob of people benefiting from state subsidised housing as a consequence of their low income. How absurd that their low level of achievement should be so rewarded!
Since it is not agreed by all Parties that this Entitlement shall be cut back, for the sake of strong and stable government I hereby offer a modest proposal to reduce the burden borne by the state, as follows.
Each week a different social housing project is to be put to the torch. When checks have been carried out to ensure that all residents are indeed low-wage earners, the building(s) shall be set on fire at a time when the inhabitants are asleep in their beds.
While there are bound to be a few Escapees, it is reasonable to assume that the ensuing Conflagration will cause most residents to Pass On; and their passing will be the cause of Double Savings to the Public Purse – first, benefit payments will be reduced in line with the reduced number of Tenants whose rent is subsidised; secondly, the medium term will see a Reduction in state-subsidised Funerals, since the buildings selected for incineration will also serve as Pop-Up Crematoria.
A different building will be selected for incineration as part of the national lottery each week. All Social Housing Projects in the UK will be allocated an ID number, and the ID of the chosen residence will correspond to the bonus ball number as revealed every Saturday evening during the national lottery Broadcast.
Selection by lottery will guarantee Diversity; incorporating the selection process within a nationwide Broadcast will position it as part of the Shared National Experience.